Church update 3

We visited the Lutheran church yesterday as a family. I actually enjoyed the experience more than my first visit--the usual worship pastor was back, and we had a fantastic time of worship. The sermon was good, and once again, the ministry of the Holy Spirit was strong and dynamic. But Scott didn't like it. His problem with the service was not what he expected--he thought we would be theologically divergent. In fact, we were very much in line, theologically. Scott's problem was primarily with the way the "Word of wisdom" was brought forward (that was an area of disagreement he had at New Life too) and with the fact that the pastor used the NLT as his main text, which is a translation that is not even close to word-for-word. Scott's ok with a pastor using different versions of the Bible here and there in the sermon, but the NLT was his main translation, and that was Scott's issue. Anyway, these were big issues for him, so we have decided not to go back there, and that kind of left us at square one, since we didn't have another church in mind to try.


So yesterday, Scott comes to me and says "How do you feel about trying the hyper-Calvinistic East Valley Bible Church?" I must admit I was stunned. Scott and I aren't Calvinists, and it has always been commonly understood between us that we would never consider East Valley even though it is a pretty great church, from what we have heard. But Scott went on to explain his reasoning, which was that we have already realized that we're not going to find the perfect church--in some way, we're going to have to compromise on what we're hoping to have in a church--and maybe our compromise will be in attending a church with a Calvinistic viewpoint. At least as far as theological differences go, this is one we respect, even if we don't entirely agree with it; after all, the things that are discussed in the Calvinist-Arminian debate are beyond human understanding, so no one's conception of how all that "predestination/election" stuff works is complete. One drawback is that Scott would most likely not be permitted to teach there, since he couldn't affirm "TULIP", but we would be able to participate, if we decide this is where God is leading us to make our home.

This new search is taking us into all kinds of churches I never thought I'd try!

Andrew Sings!

This morning, during breakfast, Andrew tried to sing for the first time! Gabrielle and I were singing songs, and we had just finished "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star," when he said "ba-ba-ba-ba-hi" and looked at me like he was really proud of himself. I realized he was trying to sing the "up above the world so high" line. It was so cute!

Keep in mind that Gabrielle really only started singing songs about a month ago; she used to know all the words but would really just say them in a sing-song voice. I guess Andrew's a little more musically-inclined.

Great Book

I must recommend a book I am reading right now--it is called Child Training Tips, by Reb Bradley, who is a pastor. His website, http://www.familyministries.com/, has many useful materials on raising strong families, and I especially think his audio series on Family-Strengthening Churches is very compelling, and good listening for anyone serving in church leadership. But most of all, every parent should read Child Training Tips! Shepherding a Child's Heart, by Ted Tripp, is good, but I think its value lies mostly in his discussion of the parent's responsibility to disciple his/her child. I also enjoyed The Strong-Willed Child, by James Dobson, but Bradley's book is even better, because of the approach he takes to explain the reason for this parenting method, as well as his use of numerous examples so that you can fully understand how your child's behavior require correction (things that many of us let our kids get away with). The book can be purchased through Bradley's website, although I don't think it is set up for online ordering--you have to fill out the form and send it by mail. I bought my copy through a website called http://www.homeschooloasis.com/ --they do sell books online, and are very efficient and quick about shipping. (If you're at all interested in homeschooling, I'd encourage you to peruse this website thoroughly.)

Successful surgery

Andrew's surgery went really well today. After we had been waiting in the waiting room for about fifteen minutes, he took my hand and started leading me toward the exit, a not-so-subtle "ready to go home, now, Mom." And it almost did me in when they took him off toward operating and I had to walk in the opposite direction to the waiting room--thankfully, he was fascinated by the man carrying him and he didn't cry at all. He hasn't shown any evidence of pain yet, and he's sleeping now, after nearly falling asleep over lunch. I expect he'll sleep a long time after having to wake up at 5:15 am. If only I could get some sleep now, too.

Gabrielle had a great weekend--I don't think we had any battles. She's doing well today; she's very preoccupied by her new Backyardigans Leapster game. The only little snag was when she and Andrew were fighting over a comb (what makes this comb so precious, I have no idea) and she pushed him in the back and sent him face-first into the door. About two hours after he had mouth surgery! Poor kid...

A New Day

Well, praise God, Andrew is all better! He started to perk up around dinner yesterday, and after a long, uninterrupted night's sleep (ahhhh) he is all better today. And as a mercy to me, Gabrielle was fairly well-behaved yesterday while I was dealing with the cranky boy.

Today is another story. She seems to be making up for lost time.

She disagrees with me just for the sake of disagreeing. She'll tell me she wants something, then when I go to give it to her, she doesn't want it anymore. She asks Andrew for a toy, and gets mad if he doesn't give it to her, but if he does give it to her, she decides she doesn't want it. I have a friend who believes contrariness and defiance like this is spiritual attack; maybe there's some truth in that, I absolutely believe the enemy would want to interfere in our efforts to raise godly children. But we also know there is original sin, and this seems right in keeping with a sinful selfish attitude.

I just wish I understood her motivation. I understand the reasoning behind tantrums--they think we'll give in and give them what they want if they scream and cry. I understand defiance, because they want to see just how much we'll let them get away with if they just refuse to obey. But why is she contrary? What does a child seek when they disagree with us just to disagree? What do you think, friends? I welcome your input on this.

Poor Little Andrew

My little guy is sick today...I'm glad he's sleeping for now, though, since he hardly slept at all last night. (Seriously, he was crying at 2, and again when Scott got up at 5 am!) He's due to have minor surgery on Monday (a frenulectomy--google it if you're curious) and that's a prayer request in and of itself, but if he's still sick on Sunday, we may have to postpone the surgery again (we've already had to once before.) While I'm nervous about my boy going under anesthesia, I'd rather not put this off again. His condition can inhibit speech development, and he's in the crucial stage for that.

Gabrielle has continued to challenge me today, which is doubly difficult when I'm dealing with a sick boy who wants to be held all the time, but she's doing well now--because she's zoning out if front of the tv! On sick days both my kids get more tv than usual. Hey, sometimes you do what you've got to do.

God's revelation to me during prayer

During prayer time today, I realized just how much I have always paid lip service to the idea that I can't do this mom thing without God's help--He has now given me a parenting situation that makes it absolutely clear that I can't do this without Him!

And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us. (Romans 5:3-4)

Thank you, Lord, for what you have chosen to use to make me more dependent on You, to mold me into a woman who is more like Your Son. I want to be faithful, and patient, and have a servant's heart. Help me to persevere faithfully in prayer.

strong-willed child

I have a strong-willed child. Gone is the little girl of the easy-going disposition and light-hearted spirit. Now she is defiant, rebellious, and contrary. She opposes or disagrees with me just to disagree. I already feel like I'm messing this whole thing up and doing everything wrong, and if I don't figure it out soon she's going to be a grown-up disaster and turn her back on God. I hate to sound so dismal, because she's still a sweet girl, and can be so fun, but the fights and showdowns seem to be overshadowing that now. Or maybe just at this moment because bedtime was a nightmare.

The Latest Church Visit

Well, I got to go visit the "Lutheran heritage" church this weekend--and I actually liked it, enough to persuade Scott we should go try it as a family. I won't say it was perfect--I was there for about ten minutes before anyone welcomed me as a newcomer--keep in mind, this was a small church where everybody knew each other. So, not the most welcoming church I've visited. I finally had to plant myself in the foyer and look as out of place as I could, and finally a woman (who turned out to be in charge of the "First Impressions" ministry--how apropos) introduced herself. She got me in touch with a very friendly woman who took me around the children's ministry area. One bummer--the nursery is for kids birth-age 4! So Gabrielle won't have an actual lesson there until September; I'm glad we're still participating in MOPS where she'll still get a lesson.

Anyway, the worship was good, not fantastic, but good, and I enjoyed the responsive reading we did. The ministry of the Spirit was strong there, and the preaching was powerful--Biblical, focused, and organized! The service lasted two hours long; I'd rather like to know if that was the norm. I met with the pastor after service, and I was impressed with him. He answered my questions honestly, and impressed me as a man who is authentic, humble, and very open to people asking real questions--the kind of questions we sometimes get chastised for asking, because they seem inappopriate or irreverent. I still don't know if it will be a perfect fit--his position on women in ministry might be an issue down the road--but it's definitely worth going back to again.

The Start of a New Week--Thank You, Lord!

I am so grateful to be starting a new week--last week was awful! Would you believe it took 6 days for my body to feel normal again after that workout? I have learned a lesson about jumping back in to using weights--it is not worth it to push myself too hard. And because I could hardly move, I couldn't go to the gym each morning, which meant I wasn't getting out of the house each day (much needed in the life of a stay-at-home Mom), and my kids weren't getting out of the house either. They are little monsters when they have too much time on their hands. Between their idleness and my frustration, it was not a good week. Add to that some emotional whackiness and spiritual attack on Valentine's Day (I really do think that's what it was--I'm usually kind of skeptical about that, but I'm believing it now) and I was so ready for the weekend, when I could have my husband around and get some help with the kids.

So it's a new week, and I can walk again and make it back to the gym, where I will TAKE IT EASY. Unfortunately, I have to kick off the week by taking Gabrielle to the dentist (she hates it as soon as she goes through the waiting room door, because it's noisy and she's very sensitive to loud sounds.) I am grateful to You, God, for the chance to start over this week.

Ow, ow, ow!

I am in pain!!! I went to the gym yesterday, and I had to go to Power Sculpt instead of kickboxing, and I am in so much pain today! I'm telling you, almost every muscle in my body is sore--it even hurt to yawn this morning (neck pain from all the crunches). I've been limping, stiff-legged all day, and I cannot bend over. I've been making the kids pick up anything I need on the floor. It has not helped a bit that the kids pulled all the towels and sheets out of the linen closet AGAIN; I absolutely refused to sit down on the floor to refold it all, because I wasn't sure I'd be able to get back up. Poor Scott--the house was a disaster when he got home today, I was simply not going to try too hard to clean in my current condition.

We also had quite the rebellion from Gabrielle tonight. It began slowly, with "no"s here and there, then finally built up to a screaming temper tantrum, with flat out refusals to go in the bathroom and get her teeth brushed. Original sin, cropping up right on schedule! It helped that there were two of us here--I think I handled it better than I would have if I'd been alone. Sometimes it helps me keep my cool just to have Scott in the house--knowing that I can hand it over to him if I need to.

The Church Search Begins Anew

I decided tonight that, in keeping with my determination to not have this blog be entirely about the kids, but also a little bit about me and Scott, I will share the account of our renewed "church search." Yes, after just 15 months at Central Christian Church, we've concluded it is not the right church for us, and have begun looking again for the place that will be our home. For now, I am going alone to each church, because Scott and I are wary of putting our kids in childcare in a church where we don't know anyone and don't know how sound their policies are.

I visited our first church on Sunday, a Calvary church in our area. Calvary churches seem to be a good overall fit for us theologically, and we like how they're run. But this one was a no-go. There were factors there that were not a big deal; the music wasn't terribly polished, but it was good, and the congregation was small, but I'd take a small congregation over a megachurch any day. But the preaching...I just knew we couldn't sit through that week after week. The pastor is clearly a man who loves Jesus, he is gifted as a teacher, he is a skilled communicator, and it is clear he studies the Bible faithfully and thoroughly...but I honestly think he didn't even plan his sermon for Sunday. He was going to preach on Ephesians 1:9-14, and in forty minutes of speaking, he never even read the entire passage! He rambled for awhile, then read verses 9 and 10, then rambled awhile longer, then finally, it was over. I admit, my mind wandered after 20 minutes or so. Don't get me wrong--everything he said was true, it was biblical, it was highly encouraging--there was just no linear progression of ideas. I think he probably, in preparation for the sermon, just read the passage a few times, came up with a title, and said, "good, I'll preach on the mystery of God's will revealed." And that's what he did, with no more structure than that. I think all he needs is a good communication or preaching course, and he'd probably be a great preacher.

I've also chosen which church we're going to try next, and this one will be quite an adventure. Funny, how mainline protestants would walk into a Foursquare or Assemblies church and consider that an adventure, but I'm going to be attending one from the "Lutheran heritage," and this, to me, qualifies as adventurous. Don't fret, my fine charismatic friends, we are not going off the deep end. This is not a Lutheran church, but a church in the Lutheran tradition, where certain areas of theology have been revised, and from what I could discern on the website, appear to be well in line with Scott's and my theology. They believe the Holy Spirit is still active, and all gifts are for today, they have a high view of scripture, and their view on Communion seems in line with mine. They use contemporary music in their worship, but they also incorporate some more traditional forms of worship such as liturgical readings and the recitation of creeds (which actually appeals to me--I regret that evangelicals have sometimes thrown out the good with the bad when separating from an older denomination.) I do still have some theological questions in areas that weren't specifically explained on the website, so I hope that when I visit I'll be able to talk with one of the church leaders and have a good dialogue. One of my fears is of repeating the same mistake we made at Central--committing to the wrong church because we're so eager to get plugged in somewhere--so I find myself wanting to know everything I can about the church as soon as possible. And I know that just won't be possible. Sometimes the issues in a church that make it a bad fit are things that you just can't find out in your first or second visit. That's what makes it such a matter of faith to find a good church, and I'm not that great at listening for God's direction (see above, committing to a church too quickly.)
So, pray for us as we search! And I'll update you all on the "church in the Lutheran heritage" after I visit!

P.S. Andrew is still a little snot factory! This kid just gets sick so often! And I can't help but think (with good old-fashioned mom-guilt) "if I had breast-fed him, he probably wouldn't get sick so much."

Kids playing together--nicely?

What is so fascinating about an empty cardboard box? This picture looks so angelic, but of course I wasn't snapping pictures moments before when Gabrielle pushed Andrew out of the way and climbed into the box. It's nice when they learn to live together in harmony.

Thoughts on Motherhood, Addiction, and Following God

I'm sure that motherhood presents challenges to each of us, depending on our personal areas of weakness. After all, it is one of the most challenging tasks there is, and every woman will feel stretched by it. My struggle is really the same struggle I had as a student, as an employee, and as a wife--lack of self-discipline. This may surprise some people--it has surprised many friends in the past, which I think just shows I put on a very good face for others--but I struggle daily with becoming a more disciplined person. There is so much I need to do as a mom and wife, so many little tasks that are all a big part of what God has called me to be (and these are not the thoughts of a perfectionist who thinks she has to be supermom--believe me, my expectations of myself aren't that high, I'm just very honest about my shortcomings.) One of the hardest things for me to do, day by day, is put aside the momentary impulse--to sleep in, to read a novel, to surf the internet--and do what God wants me to do--get up early and meet with Him, go to the gym, color with my kids, wash the dishes. And this will always be my struggle--in fact, if you're ever thinking about me, and wondering if there's a way you can pray for me, pray about this--I guarantee it will still be an issue. I plan to homeschool my kids when they get older, and it is this lack of self-discipline that terrifies me as I anticipate homeschooling; if I can't get a flexible schedule together for my kids now, when all they've got going on is story time at the library and MOPS on Thursdays, how am I going to keep on task while educating them?!

So as I'm pondering all this while making the kids breakfast (at 9 am because I slept in, thus no gym or quiet time today), I suddenly think of a conversation I had with a friend the other day. This friend and I often have discussions about addiction, because we both have people close to us who struggle with addiction. (Hang in there--I will relate this back to motherhood eventually.) Her loved one had said to her "God's just going to deal with this [alcoholism] in His own time." And I said to my friend, "That's an out people love to use, isn't it? They expect God to miraculously take the craving away and they'll be sober forever. And while I've heard of that happening, I think God seldom works in that way. I think it's more likely that He gives us the strength, in that minute, to resist the temptation. And He gives us that strength in the next minute, and the next. But the responsibility is on us to rely upon Him, minute by minute, hour by hour, and that is, hands down, the hardest thing for human beings to do, and that's why they struggle with addiction for the rest of their lives." And that is why it feels to us, (those of us who love an addict, and have watched this person go through the ups and downs, go through treatment and relapse weeks later, be sober for years and suddenly go back to the drug when life gets really hard) like there is never true, real, lifelong recovery. It becomes such a struggle of faith--I know God is capable of healing my brother of addiction, because I truly do believe that God is capable of all things! But I wonder if He wants to heal my brother?

So what does this have to do with motherhood? Well, my problem and my brother's problem are very different, but the solution, I think, is the same. It is that moment-by-moment dependence on God, that is the hardest thing for me to achieve, that will help me to succeed as a wife and mom. If I could train myself to continually ask where He wants me, now, and go there, (obedience is the key, not intent) I don't think I'll spend nearly so much time reading novels and watching tv. But for me, as for my brother, it will probably involve a lifetime of falling off track, then getting back up and seeking God again.

A picture to follow up the story yesterday--Andrew in his Elmo slippers. He never leaves them on for long. You can't tell, but he also has quite the cold today.

Another cute one from Gabrielle

Apparently her best stuff comes out over breakfast...

She looked out the window and said "something's missing from the jungle gym." Long pause. "It's us!"

And lest people forget I have a son, too...Andrew's not making cute, clever comments yet, but he is talking A LOT! He loves to say Elmo--we don't watch Sesame Street, and he only knows who Elmo is because we got him some Elmo slippers during our trip to Washington (and he was afraid of them when we first tried to put them on his feet.) But now he loves Elmo!

Not again!!!

I rue the day my son learned how to take off his own diaper. And that's all I'm gonna say.

A child's prayer

Gabrielle participated more than usual in this morning's prayer; in fact, she reminded me to do it. I often forget prayer at breakfast because of the way I fix the meal in stages. Here's the prayer; my words are in blue, Gabrielle's in red.

"Lord, thank you so much for this day, and for our many blessings, including this meal and our health. And help us-"

"And our meals and our bodies."

"Yes, Lord, thank you. And help us to live our day in a way that makes you happy. Help us be kind-"

"And help us walk in the rain."

"Yes, and help us be kind to each other and to be patient-"

"And help Andrew not play with my Leapster."

"Yes, Lord, and if he does play with Gabrielle's Leapster, help Gabrielle to be kind about it and to forgive him. In Jesus' name, amen."

"Amen."

Gabrielle playing dress up

I actually took these pictures a couple of weeks ago, but I just rediscovered them on my camera today. Isn't she just too cute?

And did anyone else think that was the best Super Bowl in recent memory? Game notwithstanding, Tom Petty rocked! And way to go to Jordin Sparks, our homegrown Arizona talent.

Arizona has some redeeming moments...

As desperately as Scott and I have attempted to make the move to Spokane lately (which fell through, but we're not giving up forever!) I had forgotten that there are some good things about living in Arizona. Today was a day that reminded me--after going to lunch with a friend, we came back home and sat outside in my backyard to continue visiting. We had sweatsirts on, but it was sunny and beautiful. In fact, we were warm enough to take off our sweatshirts by the time we came inside! It was gorgeous; I have long said living here is almost worth it in February (as long as I refrain from looking ahead to how miserable it will be in May, June, July, August and September). It is a month for picnics and trips to the zoo and the arboretum; this is when a hike in the desert is beautiful, not sweltering. And isn't there just something refreshing and invigorating about being out in fresh air and sunshine? As much as I'd like to move to Spokane one day, today I don't envy my friends their mutiple feet of snow.