Thoughts on Motherhood, Addiction, and Following God

I'm sure that motherhood presents challenges to each of us, depending on our personal areas of weakness. After all, it is one of the most challenging tasks there is, and every woman will feel stretched by it. My struggle is really the same struggle I had as a student, as an employee, and as a wife--lack of self-discipline. This may surprise some people--it has surprised many friends in the past, which I think just shows I put on a very good face for others--but I struggle daily with becoming a more disciplined person. There is so much I need to do as a mom and wife, so many little tasks that are all a big part of what God has called me to be (and these are not the thoughts of a perfectionist who thinks she has to be supermom--believe me, my expectations of myself aren't that high, I'm just very honest about my shortcomings.) One of the hardest things for me to do, day by day, is put aside the momentary impulse--to sleep in, to read a novel, to surf the internet--and do what God wants me to do--get up early and meet with Him, go to the gym, color with my kids, wash the dishes. And this will always be my struggle--in fact, if you're ever thinking about me, and wondering if there's a way you can pray for me, pray about this--I guarantee it will still be an issue. I plan to homeschool my kids when they get older, and it is this lack of self-discipline that terrifies me as I anticipate homeschooling; if I can't get a flexible schedule together for my kids now, when all they've got going on is story time at the library and MOPS on Thursdays, how am I going to keep on task while educating them?!

So as I'm pondering all this while making the kids breakfast (at 9 am because I slept in, thus no gym or quiet time today), I suddenly think of a conversation I had with a friend the other day. This friend and I often have discussions about addiction, because we both have people close to us who struggle with addiction. (Hang in there--I will relate this back to motherhood eventually.) Her loved one had said to her "God's just going to deal with this [alcoholism] in His own time." And I said to my friend, "That's an out people love to use, isn't it? They expect God to miraculously take the craving away and they'll be sober forever. And while I've heard of that happening, I think God seldom works in that way. I think it's more likely that He gives us the strength, in that minute, to resist the temptation. And He gives us that strength in the next minute, and the next. But the responsibility is on us to rely upon Him, minute by minute, hour by hour, and that is, hands down, the hardest thing for human beings to do, and that's why they struggle with addiction for the rest of their lives." And that is why it feels to us, (those of us who love an addict, and have watched this person go through the ups and downs, go through treatment and relapse weeks later, be sober for years and suddenly go back to the drug when life gets really hard) like there is never true, real, lifelong recovery. It becomes such a struggle of faith--I know God is capable of healing my brother of addiction, because I truly do believe that God is capable of all things! But I wonder if He wants to heal my brother?

So what does this have to do with motherhood? Well, my problem and my brother's problem are very different, but the solution, I think, is the same. It is that moment-by-moment dependence on God, that is the hardest thing for me to achieve, that will help me to succeed as a wife and mom. If I could train myself to continually ask where He wants me, now, and go there, (obedience is the key, not intent) I don't think I'll spend nearly so much time reading novels and watching tv. But for me, as for my brother, it will probably involve a lifetime of falling off track, then getting back up and seeking God again.