Well, praise God, Andrew is all better! He started to perk up around dinner yesterday, and after a long, uninterrupted night's sleep (ahhhh) he is all better today. And as a mercy to me, Gabrielle was fairly well-behaved yesterday while I was dealing with the cranky boy.
Today is another story. She seems to be making up for lost time.
She disagrees with me just for the sake of disagreeing. She'll tell me she wants something, then when I go to give it to her, she doesn't want it anymore. She asks Andrew for a toy, and gets mad if he doesn't give it to her, but if he does give it to her, she decides she doesn't want it. I have a friend who believes contrariness and defiance like this is spiritual attack; maybe there's some truth in that, I absolutely believe the enemy would want to interfere in our efforts to raise godly children. But we also know there is original sin, and this seems right in keeping with a sinful selfish attitude.
I just wish I understood her motivation. I understand the reasoning behind tantrums--they think we'll give in and give them what they want if they scream and cry. I understand defiance, because they want to see just how much we'll let them get away with if they just refuse to obey. But why is she contrary? What does a child seek when they disagree with us just to disagree? What do you think, friends? I welcome your input on this.
About Me
- Kimberly S
- I am a Christian mom of two sweet kids, whom I homeschool. I also direct the children's ministry at my church.
1 comment:
I hope this doesn't sound like psycho-babble, but I think that her behavior is pretty much right on track for child development. (Doesn't excuse bad behavior, but explains the motivation anyway)
Being contrary allows her to have some independence and control. "I'm my own person, so I can have my own opinion." Three to four-year-olds are known for beginning to exert independence in small doses, but they are still insecure about their world too, so they are unpredictable.
Maybe giving her some chances to be independent (e.g. choosing between two outfits to wear that day, teaching her how to set the table, etc.) might give her a positive sense of growing up instead of the negative one.
Just a thought.....
From another mom who is always trying to figure things out and worries that she is screwing her kids up for life,
: ) Becky
P.S. One thing I have learned is that every phase will pass. As long as we try to do our best and are prayerful about the situation, they never are as life or death or permanent as they feel at the time. A lot of people think 3 and 4 is worse than 2, but eventually they become 5. : )
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